gonna start working tomorrow. first day at work in a new place, new environment, around new and unknown people... its always scary to move to a new environment, with new job scopes that you dunno if you are able to handle, and new people who you are not sure if you can be friends with. super super worried...

the job scopes in this new job is entirely different from those that ive done before... its strict and scary to me... everything is new... im afraid that i will not do a good job and end up getting into serious problems... theres nobody i know who can guide me in this... i dunno what im about to face... all the unknowns are freaking me out...

the area i was posted to was away from my friends... they are lucky to be together... on the other hand, im alone... not exactly alone cos we made new friends during the training... but then.... still.... kinda lonely... and scared... hopefully tomorrow is not going to be busy, so that i can make use of the chance to get used to the new environment which i will have to be in for the next 2 months.

the problem that i was most afraid of is that i cant make new friends, or that the people there will hate or ostracise or bully me... after the previous job where aunties always bully me, im a bit scared and worried... they dont really bully me but im being isolated with no help given even if i asked... someone told me that sometimes its not the other people... its me... my attitude that makes people stay away from me.. but i really dont get it... what did i do wrong? i really dont know... what he said made me feel even more uneasy that im away from my friends and all alone.. what if the people in my work area hates me too? what if the same old thing happens again where i cant make friends who can help me.. i was told that to do this job well i will require help from the other more experienced staffs... hais.... i dunno what i could do to make things better... will my dressing annoy people?? will my bags annoy people??? will the way i try to be nice to everyone annoy people?? will i annoy people if i asked too much questions??? will i annoy people if i keep asking people for help???

im going crazy!!!! but theres no where i could vent it out.... i really hope all things goes well these 2 months...

internet is getting boring actually.. nothing to do online.. or is it because my mind wasnt on the com in the first place.. wonder what hes doing now? shopping? movies? did he have his dinner? is he feeling okay? did he remember to take his meds? worried that if he didnt take care and his temperature rise again... worried that hes tired but couldnt bear to tell his friends.. worried that to compensate for the time wasted today and tomorrow, he will double up the amount of time taken for studying... hais.. didnt know i could be so mummy-like. feels retarded but just cant help worrying...

anyway... school feels fine recently =D in fact im happy to go to school~ at least it feels much better to have people im close to around me, and i know they will not bully me like how those idiots did at work. but then i think im starting to get more and more irritated with mushroom. oh wells! its normal i guess~ lunch everyday in school is what im looking forward to everyday actually :DD

monday - macro lessons, followed by comm law meeting, discussing of macro assignment, then work at lighthouse, ending with editing comm law final draft

tuesday - comm law meeting, then financial planning lesson, try to do up some macro econs before going to work at lighthouse again.

wednesday - MCS meeting followed by comm law lecture. then gotta do up macro econs and send for vetting

thursday - MCS lessons, then some break time before heading over for work at lighthouse

friday - Macroecons lecture

crazy week lehh~ yeah man.. 1st day of the week and im dying.. wanted to do econs assignment and some MCS now but i really cant focus.. going to leave everything for tomorrow. but i think im gonna die tomorrow if i dont do some now.. so found some stuffs for MCS. will not take long to do write it our in proper words i guess.

freaking tired now.. how the hell did i get myself into this? LOL!! a packed calender looks super cool, but doing everything will freaking kill me..

crap.. im supposed to be doing work!!!! oh wells.. at least i get to rest my brain for a while~ blogging relieves stress too~ its the 2nd best way to relieve stress i think =D

work, school, project, work, gatherings, school, projects, assignmets, work, assignments..

im getting tired ... cant i have a fairy godparent that can grant me 36 hours in a day...

have been busy recently.. 1 week break and im out every single day! like what e hell... projects, meetups, work~ although its quite tiring for someone who like to stay home like me, its still rather fun!!

went to celebrate jinjia and yuqi de belated birthday on sunday~ not much of surprises. nothing on mind and i kinda did it a bit last minute cos after that stupid financial planning test (which i totally screwed up), the rest of the weekdays are spent on projects.. no life?? yupp! thats my life now.. SAD!!!!!! dont like!!! on the bright side, i like my group now =D of course weve got arguments but its still fun most of the times!

anyway, back to the nchs gathering, although its a bit last min, we managed to get the birthday babies their presents and 9 of us were there~ went lunch at some new restaurant, then went lan at illuma. a few of us left early though~ parents going genting so before they go they wanna eat dinner together. cannot say no, so said sorry to yuqi instead. SORRY! had a lot of fun with them! the nchs gang is as cool as always! except toon and gavin who keeps killing me in L4D2. =P

nothing much to add on cos other than projects and work, ive basically done nothing else.. theres work tomorrow, and im heading over to jason's house to do the individual assignments, friday maybe going out with honey to celebrate her birthday, saturday working 3 to 10pm, sunday meeting iris jiahao and pete. had been a long time since i met up with them!! my jc proj group mates!! =DD

my savings is running low.. very very low.. shit!! gotta see if i can work at lighthouse more to prevent it from falling too low cos i still wanna go genting during the holidays with the animal clique de!! =DD sooooo looking forward to it!! yay!!

was thinking back on the past and realised all the happy moments that ive spent, and also the sad ones. wonder how many nice people ive let down.. how many nice friends that i missed out.. precious time wasted.. wonder why in the past we could be so happy and having fun all the time, but its no longer the same now.

was really sad about what he said to me a few days ago. was supposed to be used to it, but somehow or another, maybe because i didnt know he was going to say it, it hurt real bad. so bad that i thought if i say another word i will start crying. it was supposed to be a joke i think..but yah... then i started thinking why im so weak, and why i needed so many assurance from the people around me.. was also reflecting on myself and i suddenly realise that my self confidence was really quite low. i realise that i wanna make people around me happy not only because i love their smiles, but also because im scared that they will leave me for someone better one day.

didnt know i was so selfish...

well.. nothing much to do, and i suddenly have the urge to say all these..

to my dearest boyfriend yuqi:

i really dont like him like a lot a lot, but its your choice~ last long okays =D well, you already knows i love you, so i dont have to elaborate much bout that. really love bitching with you like BIG TIME! you know I rock! hahaha!!! well, in this new year, i hope we will get to hang out more often together. cos like we are getting busy and stuffs.. you should start saving up! dont make me nag like your mum please... so we shouldnt go on shopping trips together! =P BLEAH!

to dearest sister iris:

you will find your one true love soon, dont ever give up okay~ let bygones be bygones, in this new year, im positive that things will go well for you =DD jiayou in your new course, make loads of new friends! youve already made your choice to stay in the course so just do your best bah!!! i support you!! jiayou jiayou!! we should go on shopping sprees more often! gotta help me choose clothes!! YAY!! arcades and kbox too!! love ya!!!

to dearest sister/ sister's daughter dawn:

school start le.. a bit sian.. but then we sure can survive it de!! yay!! shall go out on shopping sprees together!! realise you love shopping a lot a lot recently. hahah!!! dont forget to study together too!! your love life this year will be good too!! you so nice, sure can find your mr cute guy de!! hotter than w****m!! hahaha!! =DD jiayou studying too!!! love ya too!!

to the nchs clique:

i love you guys big time!! its always fun hanging out with every single one of you~ its never boring!! we can meet up without having anything in mind, but still end up having a lot a lot of fun!! lan, arcade, movies, lunch, dinner, stayovers, chalets.. i want a lot a lot more of all these.. i think we are running out of things to play le. hahah!!! somebody come out with new ideas please!! HAHAHA!!

to the 'family':

its only the 4 of us in this small tiny family, and i doubt we are even that close in the past. hahaha!! also dunno what brought us together, and tadah!!mum/dad, sisters and brother~ although we dont hang out as often as we should as a family, but please always know that this invisible link between us exists okays~ lets go out and have fun, be crazy soon!!!

to the animal family:

this is my newest family that was created. we didnt know each other for long, but it just seems like we are all rather close to each other. have fun, chat chat, bitch bitch~ hahaha!! nice times. then we will play in class, gather together during breaks, eat lunch or dinner together, go school together~ it may seem like little things to you guys but im really happy to have known all of you. hanging out with you guys are fun! =DD

to my mum dad and bro:

i hope you guys will never ever read this, cos it will mean you guys know my blog, and that means i have to change a link. hahaha! oh wells~ wanna say im sorry for not being at home most of the time. busy going out and work. i promise i will stay at least at home for a day every week okays~ hahaha!! please extend my curfew cos im freaking turning 20! despite all the naggings and screamings and shoutings and cryings, i just wanna let you guys know i love you okays~

Alvin
Caleb
ChengBoon
Gavin
Genevieve
Grace ♥
Jing Kang
Joey
LiLing♥
Pearlyn ♥
Pegan
Pete
Samuel
Toon Yi
WeiYeow
YuQi ♥

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